To all the girls I've loved before...

Today is Meeting Day on the Mickey Mouse Club, and I thought I would share a revelation (chuckle, snort) that I had yesterday.

I was a terrible boyfriend. 

I inserted the chuckle and snort because, well, I am sure if any of my exes remember me, they will remember the good times, but also the times when I was belligerent, when I would argue because, well, don't all people who love each other argue?

When I would demand too much sex, or not want it when you did (that didn't happen often, but it did happen). 

When I was petulant and pouty for not getting my way. See previous paragraph.

Or worst of all, when I wouldn't call. I am still bad at this one. Or wouldn't be in the moment with you, or pay attention to other women when you were the one I "loved." 

When I got too clingy, too needy, and castigated you when you got clingy yourself, and so not call you.

When I confused lust for love, and vice versa, just hurting both of us in the end.

Or when I got high because you weren't affectionate that morning. That one kills me to this day. You know who you are, and I can still see the disappointment in your beautiful face.

I am truly sorry. Truly truly sorry, and I am putting this out to the world in the hopes that you might google me, find this page and read this far.

I am not putting this out there hoping for a hookup, or even a hello in fact. You can find me if you want to say hi, and I urge you to say hi if you wish. 

I hope you all are well and happy and at peace. I love you all and always will, no condition, no obligation.